Despair is not something to be shunned, to be denied, suppressed or quickly disposed of. Nor is it a feeling to wallow in. It is a true perception of the hopelessness of our existence. It is a signal. How you interpret and act on that signal is entirely up to you.
You could use it as a sign to stop and reassess, or a signal to slow down and heal from emotional wounds. But if you stay in that state of stasis, you miss could miss an opportunity. Wallowing in despair is ultimately a narcissistic exercise. Oh, woe is me. Yes, you are in woe, but that is not who you are.
If you are emotionally injured, you are now an expert in that injury. If you are depressed, you are now and experienced expert. If you are lonely, poor, unappreciated or whatever, you now have a tool box with which to help others. There are dozens, hundreds, even thousands of people around you in woe. You can say, "I understand how you feel, I've felt this way before, and this is what I found." You found out that you can help others, and stop focusing on yourself. There is no cheese in there, it lies outside of the maze of your own situation. Jump the wall. That is what despair teaches us.
Friday, May 13, 2016
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Cultural Exemplars of Despair, and Not
An exemplar of despair can be seen in the titlar character of "Constantine" (2005). Played by Keanu Reeves, Johnny Constantine is a demon hunter with terminal lung cancer. He was born with the ability to see half-demons and half-angels on Earth, a "gift" which drove him to attempt suicide as a teen. During that attempt, he had a vision of hell which is waiting for him once he does pass away. What do you do with that?
He does spend a good deal of time moping around, but he also goes out to help exorcise demons popping up here and there. Gift or a curse, he spends his time using what gifts (or curses) he has to help others. It is hopeless for him, but not for others.
The opposite would be "Pollyanna," the character in a 1913 book by Eleanor H. Porter written during the aftermath of the Great War. Pollyanna despite bad circumstances, would play the "Glad Game," looking for something positive in every situation. The name actually came into our language to describe someone spreading unreasonable cheerfulness. It was probably very helpful in the aftermath of The Great War. What's wrong with this?
In "Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America," journalist Barbara Ehrinreich makes the argument that incessant marketing of positive thinking makes us passive and inures us to the suffering around us. Quoting numerous studies, she gives the lie to the idea that positive thinking helps us heal faster, makes us wealthy and successful. Instead, on a personal level, we beat ourselves up for having negative thoughts. On a national level, irrational exuberance brought us disastrous wars in the Middle East and the meltdown of our economy.
It is much better to look around clear-eyed at problems and handle them. Start with personal despair.
He does spend a good deal of time moping around, but he also goes out to help exorcise demons popping up here and there. Gift or a curse, he spends his time using what gifts (or curses) he has to help others. It is hopeless for him, but not for others.
The opposite would be "Pollyanna," the character in a 1913 book by Eleanor H. Porter written during the aftermath of the Great War. Pollyanna despite bad circumstances, would play the "Glad Game," looking for something positive in every situation. The name actually came into our language to describe someone spreading unreasonable cheerfulness. It was probably very helpful in the aftermath of The Great War. What's wrong with this?
In "Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America," journalist Barbara Ehrinreich makes the argument that incessant marketing of positive thinking makes us passive and inures us to the suffering around us. Quoting numerous studies, she gives the lie to the idea that positive thinking helps us heal faster, makes us wealthy and successful. Instead, on a personal level, we beat ourselves up for having negative thoughts. On a national level, irrational exuberance brought us disastrous wars in the Middle East and the meltdown of our economy.
It is much better to look around clear-eyed at problems and handle them. Start with personal despair.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Race and Privelge
So, the Prof just delivered a righteous rant about how race issues -- and especially privilege -- are popularly presented.
Two points I took home critical of the concept of privilege are that, a) it would appear to be immutable. If one is born into having a certain socially constructed advantage (for example, I'm taller than average), then that personal could never overcome the limited perspective that privilege brings and will necessarily be insensitive to the travails of short people. Therefore, be ashamed (that is snark). Furthermore, b) it feeds into a culture of victimhood, where these stations in life are forced on us and remove us from responsibility for how things are or for doing anything constructive to change it. Privilege is not a useful framing for problems of race.
I agree mostly.
Taken to the extreme, however, if one is removed from awareness of privilege, one could make the fundamental attribution error in the form of thinking that any success they enjoy in life is solely a function of their own superior choices and actions -- their all-around better character. Whereas other people (who just happen to have more integumentary melatonin) have made poor choices and wallow in a dysfunctional culture, thus exacerbating the racial divide.
You can't say it's all about character and nothing about circumstance and more than you can say the reverse. Moderation in all things.
As for my own racial experience as atall white man, I can tell you it's painful for me to look at the world the way it stands. I don't experience nearly the level of pain as those "on the other side," but it hurts me. My best friend in early grades was black. We were inseparable, and felt so much alike that the differences between us were not even a topic. I grew up in lower-middle-class suburbs that were relatively well integrated. We were all from working families in the relatively prosperous 70's. Things began to change.
In the early to mid-80's I went to a white liberal hippy public college (UCSC) via grants and good financial aid. It was all about awareness -- of ways that women, minorities, Native Americans, the Earth, LGBT folks (no so much the latter, because it was the era of AIDS and people were scared of gay people). Most of the black people were in Oakland, and the whites were in Palo Alto. I remember a black guy telling me how weird he felt entering a friends house via the side gate because someone in the neighborhood might call the cops because of his skin.
As much as I like to think that I am the most egalitarian guy in the world, I'm nervous in Spring Valley, because black people there don't know that about me. Someone looking at me might be cognizant of what people who look like me have done -- and continue to do -- to people who look like him or her. They may treat me with suspicion, because they don't know how I feel about people who look like them. It has nothing to do with us, but people who look like us.
That is painful and it sucks. I work my day job with a lot of differently colored, gendered and self-identified people. We get along great, because we know each other as people through communication.
One more unrelated point then I'll leave this. I am quite certain that racism continues to survive and stop us from communicating with each other on deeper levels because keeping it this way serves powerful interests. Because if we understood that the things we have in common far outweigh our differences, we would stand together and take back some of that power and wealth that has been taken from us. Divided we fall.
I could go on. . .
Two points I took home critical of the concept of privilege are that, a) it would appear to be immutable. If one is born into having a certain socially constructed advantage (for example, I'm taller than average), then that personal could never overcome the limited perspective that privilege brings and will necessarily be insensitive to the travails of short people. Therefore, be ashamed (that is snark). Furthermore, b) it feeds into a culture of victimhood, where these stations in life are forced on us and remove us from responsibility for how things are or for doing anything constructive to change it. Privilege is not a useful framing for problems of race.
I agree mostly.
Taken to the extreme, however, if one is removed from awareness of privilege, one could make the fundamental attribution error in the form of thinking that any success they enjoy in life is solely a function of their own superior choices and actions -- their all-around better character. Whereas other people (who just happen to have more integumentary melatonin) have made poor choices and wallow in a dysfunctional culture, thus exacerbating the racial divide.
You can't say it's all about character and nothing about circumstance and more than you can say the reverse. Moderation in all things.
As for my own racial experience as a
In the early to mid-80's I went to a white liberal hippy public college (UCSC) via grants and good financial aid. It was all about awareness -- of ways that women, minorities, Native Americans, the Earth, LGBT folks (no so much the latter, because it was the era of AIDS and people were scared of gay people). Most of the black people were in Oakland, and the whites were in Palo Alto. I remember a black guy telling me how weird he felt entering a friends house via the side gate because someone in the neighborhood might call the cops because of his skin.
As much as I like to think that I am the most egalitarian guy in the world, I'm nervous in Spring Valley, because black people there don't know that about me. Someone looking at me might be cognizant of what people who look like me have done -- and continue to do -- to people who look like him or her. They may treat me with suspicion, because they don't know how I feel about people who look like them. It has nothing to do with us, but people who look like us.
That is painful and it sucks. I work my day job with a lot of differently colored, gendered and self-identified people. We get along great, because we know each other as people through communication.
One more unrelated point then I'll leave this. I am quite certain that racism continues to survive and stop us from communicating with each other on deeper levels because keeping it this way serves powerful interests. Because if we understood that the things we have in common far outweigh our differences, we would stand together and take back some of that power and wealth that has been taken from us. Divided we fall.
I could go on. . .
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
The Joy of Despair, con't
The point of feeling despair is not to just roll-over and die. That is not helpful. It doesn't aid the biological imperatives at the bottom of Maslow's Hierarchy. It doesn't help you eat or mate. So what is the point? Why would we feel this?
Counterintuitively, without despair, we would never find motivation to find a greater purpose in life -- to extend ourselves beyond our own selfish wants and desires. How does that work?
One will not try to escape from prison unless one knows they are in prison. What is the prison we are talking about? Selfishness.
As long as we are focused on our own selfish needs, we will never amount to anything. Ultimately, despair has the potential to force us out of our shell. By slamming into the hopelessness of achieving happiness for oneself in the long run (because you will slowly or quickly lose everything until you die), one is forced to focus elsewhere -- on the helping others achieve their goals. One's own selfish goals are limited and ultimately doomed to fail, whereas others and their needs are practically limitless. Only by working for others do we achieve greatness. Despair shows us the door.
Counterintuitively, without despair, we would never find motivation to find a greater purpose in life -- to extend ourselves beyond our own selfish wants and desires. How does that work?
One will not try to escape from prison unless one knows they are in prison. What is the prison we are talking about? Selfishness.
As long as we are focused on our own selfish needs, we will never amount to anything. Ultimately, despair has the potential to force us out of our shell. By slamming into the hopelessness of achieving happiness for oneself in the long run (because you will slowly or quickly lose everything until you die), one is forced to focus elsewhere -- on the helping others achieve their goals. One's own selfish goals are limited and ultimately doomed to fail, whereas others and their needs are practically limitless. Only by working for others do we achieve greatness. Despair shows us the door.
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
Conflict Group Project Conflict
Okay, so far this hasn't been fun. This is where my "fish out of water" status is making things difficult. Our couldn't agree on a topic. It was clear that the conflict concerns of young people are not shared by me, nor are my interests shared by them.
Also, I know I'm more serious about taking a class and getting something out of it. When I was their age, that certainly was not the case.
My argument is that economic conflicts are such a root issue, it needs to be examined. It is key to relationship conflicts, racial and class conflicts, career conflicts and more.
There is an interesting sign/symbol conflict about money that I ran across in my own life. I have a friend from college who is a trust slug. He's never really had to worry about money. I, on the other hand, have always struggled with meager means. We worry about it in very different ways. Then one day, it struck me:
To him, money was a symbol of security. For me, it is a symbol of freedom. I want freedom and don't worry so much about security. He's the opposite. How cool is that? Same object, completely different meanings.
Also, I know I'm more serious about taking a class and getting something out of it. When I was their age, that certainly was not the case.
My argument is that economic conflicts are such a root issue, it needs to be examined. It is key to relationship conflicts, racial and class conflicts, career conflicts and more.
There is an interesting sign/symbol conflict about money that I ran across in my own life. I have a friend from college who is a trust slug. He's never really had to worry about money. I, on the other hand, have always struggled with meager means. We worry about it in very different ways. Then one day, it struck me:
To him, money was a symbol of security. For me, it is a symbol of freedom. I want freedom and don't worry so much about security. He's the opposite. How cool is that? Same object, completely different meanings.
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
The Joy of Despair
Inevitably, the world will end and we will all die. Maybe in that order, maybe not. How do you feel about that? What can you do about it?
Despair is something that everyone feels at one time or another, consciously or not, occasionally or almost consistently. Despair is a feeling of hopelessness and helplessness in the face of inevitable pain. If this is a bad thing -- and general framing says it is -- can it be made a good thing? Let's look at the idea that despair is an adaptation to stop further damage one in the face of pain - the way a joint swells up to immobilize a joint when the ligaments are sprained. Let's look at the depressed heros that come out in the end, and stupid optimists who trudge on regardless. Rather than trying to anesthetize the pain with feel-good pep-talks and other bromides, perhaps despair is a prompt for us to do the emotional work required to move through life differently; to focus on what is most important for us and the world.
Despair is something that everyone feels at one time or another, consciously or not, occasionally or almost consistently. Despair is a feeling of hopelessness and helplessness in the face of inevitable pain. If this is a bad thing -- and general framing says it is -- can it be made a good thing? Let's look at the idea that despair is an adaptation to stop further damage one in the face of pain - the way a joint swells up to immobilize a joint when the ligaments are sprained. Let's look at the depressed heros that come out in the end, and stupid optimists who trudge on regardless. Rather than trying to anesthetize the pain with feel-good pep-talks and other bromides, perhaps despair is a prompt for us to do the emotional work required to move through life differently; to focus on what is most important for us and the world.
Monday, February 29, 2016
Communication is Impossible
Sure, you use signs (words, pictures, etc.) to attempt to communicate some meaning to someone or someone else. You have chosen these signs based on the meaning you assign to them.
Your listener(s) receive a certain amount of the signs you have given, but not necessarily all the them, because select the signs that have meaning for them, organize it according to their personal schemata, then assign meaning to the signs that you transmit to them. You ask them if they understand. They nod (give a sign of understanding). You interpret that sign as meaning that they understand your meaning.
You explain back to you what they understand. They give you signs. You interpret those signs, according to your personal schemata. You decide either that, 1) they understand, 2) or they don't. If you are not satisfied that they understand (share your meanings that you have assigned to the signs), You may take away some signs (simplify) or add more (clarify).
This cycle continues until you are satisfied that your meanings have been transmitted, or you give up, walking away, shaking your head and mumbling.
There is no objective way to verify any of this.
Nothing is happening here.
Your listener(s) receive a certain amount of the signs you have given, but not necessarily all the them, because select the signs that have meaning for them, organize it according to their personal schemata, then assign meaning to the signs that you transmit to them. You ask them if they understand. They nod (give a sign of understanding). You interpret that sign as meaning that they understand your meaning.
You explain back to you what they understand. They give you signs. You interpret those signs, according to your personal schemata. You decide either that, 1) they understand, 2) or they don't. If you are not satisfied that they understand (share your meanings that you have assigned to the signs), You may take away some signs (simplify) or add more (clarify).
This cycle continues until you are satisfied that your meanings have been transmitted, or you give up, walking away, shaking your head and mumbling.
There is no objective way to verify any of this.
Nothing is happening here.
Monday, February 8, 2016
Why am I here?
Dear Reader,
If you stumble upon this and want to know what's going on, it is this. I am newly registered in COMS 135 at San Diego Mesa Community College, Interpersonal Communication, and one of the requirements is to blog! I'm excited about this.
You see, I already fancy myself to be a good communicator, having some writing-related projects on the Internet (see). This class, for me, will be a validation of that belief, not withstanding the fact that this course is now a pre-requisite for applying to the Physical Therapy Assistant program. I believe I would take this class for fun, if I ever allowed myself to have more fun. (Remind me to revisit this reflection in a later post).
Why Physical Therapy? I want this as a fourth career, to help people, and to make some money along the way. I'm a non-traditional student, in my early 50's, and have already done lots of cool stuff in my life. With a life-long interest in human movement via some martial arts and yoga, a late-life interest in health and fitness (this happens when you get old), and a desire for remunerative employment before I retire, this is what I chose.
It is difficult to get into the PTA program. This will be my second time applying. Last year, there were 26 students chosen by lottery a la Hunger Games from a field of 174 applicants. Yes, other people thought the PTA program was a good idea, too. I do have a Plan B, which is the Medical Assistant Certificate program. Not quite as cool or flexible as working as a PTA, but still has the qualities of helping people and being somewhat in demand. They can't outsource hands-on medical work yet.
Helping people requires getting inside their mind to some extent, and how we do that is through communication. I understand why they've made this course a pre-requisite. What I've learned thus far in the field is that healing quickly or slow, surviving or thriving, is largely a choice of the patient themselves. In PT, it is getting people to actively participate in therapy and continuing with exercises. All the science and technology will not help people who don't want to help themselves.
So, what are the Jedi Mind-tricks of persuasion? How, as a communicator, can I overcome resistance and encourage enthusiastic participation in health and healing (or political engagement, or whatever). I said I already think I'm a good communicator. I hope learn what I don't know, which is all we can ask of any course of instruction.
If you stumble upon this and want to know what's going on, it is this. I am newly registered in COMS 135 at San Diego Mesa Community College, Interpersonal Communication, and one of the requirements is to blog! I'm excited about this.
You see, I already fancy myself to be a good communicator, having some writing-related projects on the Internet (see). This class, for me, will be a validation of that belief, not withstanding the fact that this course is now a pre-requisite for applying to the Physical Therapy Assistant program. I believe I would take this class for fun, if I ever allowed myself to have more fun. (Remind me to revisit this reflection in a later post).
Why Physical Therapy? I want this as a fourth career, to help people, and to make some money along the way. I'm a non-traditional student, in my early 50's, and have already done lots of cool stuff in my life. With a life-long interest in human movement via some martial arts and yoga, a late-life interest in health and fitness (this happens when you get old), and a desire for remunerative employment before I retire, this is what I chose.
It is difficult to get into the PTA program. This will be my second time applying. Last year, there were 26 students chosen by lottery a la Hunger Games from a field of 174 applicants. Yes, other people thought the PTA program was a good idea, too. I do have a Plan B, which is the Medical Assistant Certificate program. Not quite as cool or flexible as working as a PTA, but still has the qualities of helping people and being somewhat in demand. They can't outsource hands-on medical work yet.
Helping people requires getting inside their mind to some extent, and how we do that is through communication. I understand why they've made this course a pre-requisite. What I've learned thus far in the field is that healing quickly or slow, surviving or thriving, is largely a choice of the patient themselves. In PT, it is getting people to actively participate in therapy and continuing with exercises. All the science and technology will not help people who don't want to help themselves.
So, what are the Jedi Mind-tricks of persuasion? How, as a communicator, can I overcome resistance and encourage enthusiastic participation in health and healing (or political engagement, or whatever). I said I already think I'm a good communicator. I hope learn what I don't know, which is all we can ask of any course of instruction.
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